This Time I'll Be Bulletproof
by Gleefulbabe
Summary: Jesse transfers to LAPD, leaving a heartbroken Natalia to pick up the pieces in his wake. She tries to let go; but there is something important and shocking preventing her from doing so. BoaDoza
1. Chapter 1

So this is my first CSI: Miami fic. I've been a fan of the show since I was ten and I'm happy that I'm finally getting to post a fic for it. I started writing this a couple of years ago but today I decided to take it further. This follows a different timeline so I would advise you to just take it as you see it :P With all that said, I hope you enjoy! (P.S: Happy Duran Duran Appreciation Day!)

"What are you doing?" the familiar voice knocked Jesse out of his reverie. He stopped what he was doing and turned to see a very confused looking Natalia standing in the doorway of the locker room. His stomach dropped and he emptied the last few things into the box in front of him. This is not how he wanted to do this. "Answer me Jesse! What the hell are you doing?"

The police officer gently closed the door and turned to face her again. "'Talia..."

That told her everything she needed to know. The brunette immediately shook her head. "No, you're not leaving. You can't."

The edge of desperation in her voice cut through him. He wanted to tell her that it was the only way. He wanted to hold her and assure her that everything would be okay. But he couldn't. "This is what I need to do. I'm sorry."

Natalia walked closer but still kept a safe distance. The hurt was clear as day on her beautiful face. "What, so you were just going to leave without telling me?"

"I was going to tell you-"

She arched an eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest. "So I'm the last to know when you know very well that I should have been the first."

There was no denying that she was right. Jesse should have told her the moment he had made up his mind, even before that, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had been trying to avoid seeing the heartbroken expression she now wore for as long as possible. It was cowardly, he knew that but he wouldn't have done it any other way. He hated to see her hurt. "Natalia, I'm sorry-"

"So that's what was wrong with you for the past few weeks. That's why you were so off last night. You knew you were leaving and yet you didn't think that I deserved to know?" there was a bitterness to her voice that he'd never heard before. It frightened him.

Jesse sighed and took a step closer. "You did deserve to know. I just couldn't bring myself to tell you. I'm so sorry Natalia. I didn't want it to end like this. I never wanted to hurt you."

She scoffed. "Well you did a fantastic job of that! Congratulations," the CSI said sarcastically.

He didn't know what to say to that. There wasn't anything he could say to make her feel better. It was what it was. They had been secretly seeing each other for over four months and there was no denying the CSI deserved a lot better than him. He wasn't sure that he could give her what she needed.

"Where are you going?" her voice was much weaker now but it cut through the silence that had overcome them.  
It felt like an impasse. It felt like the end. It was the end. "California. I got transfered to LAPD."

"When?" her voice was barely a whisper.

Jesse frowned. It pained him to see how much this was hurting her. "I start next Thursday. I leave on Sunday..."

Natalia shook her head in disbelief. Was this even happening? Because it felt like a very bad dream. "You're really going." She had meant it to sound like a question, instead it came out as a statement.

He nodded and fidgeted awkwardly with the box in his arms.

Silence washed over them again. This was goodbye. It finally set in. Natalia opened her mouth to speak but closed it just as quick. She gave her lover a meaniful look, sadness tinged with disappointment and even a hint of gratitude, and turned. She was gone before he could even think to say something.

Not that Jesse wanted to. There were no words for what he wanted to say to her. Somehow it was better that way. They already knew what the other wanted to say, why ruin it with words?

Jesse set the box down on the bench and unstrapped his gun holster before placing that in the box aswell. He heard footsteps and glaced up to find that Calleigh and Eric had entered the lockeroom.

They stopped talking when they saw him. "Hey Jesse," the blond said with a sad smile. "How does it felt to have worked your last shift here in Miami?" Eric asked.

Jesse frowned. He wasn't quite sure himself. "Weird," was the answer he ended up going for.

"Well we're all going to miss you," Calleigh assured him, sad to see her colleague go.

He smiled. "I'll miss you guys too."

"A couple of us were talking and we wanted to know if maybe you wanted to go for farewell drinks tonight?" the Cuban wondered, "If you have last minute packing or something then that's cool."

The soon-to-be LAPD officer contemplated that for a moment. It would be nice to have one last hurrah. "Sure," he smiled, "That sounds great."  
And it was. Well, as great as it could possibly be. Everyone was confused when Natalia didn't show up but Jesse had expected it. He didn't blame her. But it was a nice oppurtunity to say goodbye to the people who had become his friends over the past few years.

Jesse thought he would see Natalia again before he left but three o'clock on Sunday came and there was no sign of her. He waited an extra fifteen minutes but when she didn't show or text, he got in his car and headed for the highway, trying not to look back.


	2. Chapter 2

Natalia Boa Vista tried her best to forget about Jesse Cardoza, she really did, but it was a difficult task. Damn his stupid gorgeous smile and the way that when he held her it felt like nothing else mattered. She had to face the facts: he was gone and she needed to get over him.

Her friends and colleagues had started walking on eggshells around her. They knew that she and Jesse had been close but none knew just how close. Still, it was impossible for them not to sense that something was up. That all stemmed from her not turning up for Jesse's goodbye drinks. It most definitely looked strange that she wasn't present but Natalia couldn't find it within herself to care. She was heartbroken and there was no way she could face saying goodbye that she had fallen for over the past few months.

Jesse probably thought she was angry at him. The truth was Natalia definitely had been but that anger had been overpowered by disappointment and sadness. She couldn't bring herself to watch him leave, so she stayed away.

It didn't make her feel any better.

Natalia walked into work on Monday firmly resolved on acting as if nothing had ever happened, that Jesse Cardoza never existed. But it never is that easy.

There were reminders of him everywhere; the hall where they had first met, the lab in which he had first asked her out (she said no), the cafeteria where he had asked her out again (she said yes), the parking lot where they had shared kisses covered by darkness... There was entirely too much to escape.

So, naturally, Natalia was left with two choices: leave or suck it up. She chose the latter. It took a while and was difficult but it eventually worked.

And it was fun while it lasted.

Unfortunately, life likes to throw you a curve ball every now and then to keep you on your toes... and this was one pitch that Natalia couldn't bat.

The minute she realised what could be happening, she freaked. Immediately the CSI had made a frenzied attempt at running through the dates, praying they wouldn't add up.

No such luck of course.

"Natalia, are you okay?" Ryan asked, arriving out of the blue at his colleagues locker.

Natalia hadn't seen him coming. She jumped a little and quickly closed the metal door. "Yeah, I'm fine," she tried to convince him, hoping he hadn't seen.

He eyed her dubiously. There was no denying she was on edge but Ryan didn't want to force her into telling him if she didn't want to. "You sure?"

The beautiful brunette nodded. "Positive."

"Okay, just thought I'd ask," Ryan replied slowly and slung his bag over his shoulder, "See you tomorrow," he gave her a smile before heading for the door.

Natalia made sure that he was gone before opening her locker again. This was a complete mess, there was no other way to describe it. Her eyes were immediately drawn back to the pregnancy test that was nestled into her bag, all righteous and assuming. She didn't know if she was pregnant yet but the sight of the test that promised a 98% accurate result made her feel clammy. Why did it have to be her? First Jesse just upped and left and now-

No.

There was no point in freaking out when she didn't even know for sure. There would be plenty of time for freaking out later. Natalia just needed to do the test and find out as quick as possible. She couldn't wait any longer.

Her shift had ended so there was no need to delay. She was eager for a result but found it difficult to move from the spot. Because a result meant a chance that she would become a mother and that prospect was terrifying.

Eventually, Natalia extracted her bag from her locker and headed for the parking lot, praying she wouldn't meet anyone along the way. There was no creeping around the subject anymore; she needed to know to move on.

When the CSI got home, she headed straight for the bathroom with a cautious determination. Her heart was beating hard and fast in her chest and Natalia felt unsteady but she managed to compose herself long enough to do the test. That was the easy part.

The waiting... not so much.

She took note of the time. Three minutes; that is what it would take. It might as well have been a lifetime. Three minutes that would condemn or acquit her. Her future lay in the hands of a plastic stick. Promising.

Natalia made her way to the kitchen to wait, hoping the time would go quicker there. She grabbed a glass and reached for the bottle of wine to settle her nerves but then remembered herself. She was just after doing a pregancy test. Instead the brunette filled the glass with cold water and took a generous sip, letting the liquid rehydrate her now dry throat. She could almost hear the seconds ticking by, agonisingly slow, in her head. Natalia was actually waiting to see if she was pregnant.

Pregnant. By Jesse.

Who was now living it up in LA.

God, she really hoped it was a false alarm. It would make everything so much more complicated. Natalia could handle it if that turned out to br the case but she hoped she wouldn't have to.

If she was pregnant, the CSI would have to worry about what she would tell her colleagues. They didn't even know she and Jesse had been dating.

Jesse.

What would she say to him? Would she even say anything? He had been the one to walk away. He had even moved to another state! The last thing Natalia wanted was for him to come back just because he felt like he had an obligation to her. He didn't. If push came to shove (no pun intended), she was more than capable of handling it herself. It would be hard being a single mother but she could do it if she had to. One thing she definitely did not want, however, was for her colleagues to pity her. Just because she was alone and pregnant. She didn't want their sympathy.

'Please don't let me be pregnant', she begged and looked at her watch. Time was up.

Natalia slowly made her way to the bathroom, frightened of what the outcome would be. Her heart was pounding twice as hard as when she took the test and she was pretty sure if she didn't know soon she was going to pass out. This was the moment of truth. It would shape her future.

The CSI sheepishly approached the counter top where the white stick was perched ostentatiously on top of the box. It felt like it was staring her down, daring her to take a step closer. It already knew the result.

Natalia took a deep breath and picked up the test with shaky hands...


	3. Chapter 3

Natalia sighed and tossed the test into the bin. Pregnant. Of course. She had a feeling that would be the outcome. Knowing now that her suspicions were accurate was a strange feeling. It was almost surreal. In a few months she would have a baby. Okay, now would be an appropriate time to freak out...

But she didn't.

Natalia had expected the news to be entirely more earth-shattering than it was. Sure, she was pregnant and the father had relocated to LA, but it didn't feel like a travesty. The CSI knew it probably should have, but it didn't which really surprised her. It was lile her subconscious had already accepted it before she even took the test. Now she felt like everything and nothing had changed.

She was pregnant.

Natalia's fingertips ghosted over the cool silk of her blouse. There was definitely no noticeable change yet. She and Jesse had been sleeping with each other up until his departure so there was a fairly considerable window in which she could have gotten pregnant. Although it was most likely in the latter stage of their brief relationship, the only way to know for sure was to see a doctor. The brunette looked at her watch. It was nearly nine; she would have to wait until the morning to make an appointment with her OBGYN.

Natalia, still feeling as if she was having an out-of-body experience, started to run the bath before grabbing some towells from the press. She usually used the shower but the moment seemed far too important for that.

Once the tub had filled, the CSI shed her clothes and climbed in, feeling her body relax instantly. The hot water quickly worked away tension she didn't even know she had. Natalia's hands drifted to her abdomen. The fact that there was another human being growing in there was as intriguing as it was terrifying.

Natalia called the doctors' office on her way to work the following morning. She was really feeling the morning sickness and only hoped that she could complete the brief call without having to throw up. The CSI was fortunate. Dr. Rodriguez was free at seven that evening, but if she didn't take that appointment Tuesday two weeks would be the earliest available. She immediately took it. There was absolutely no way she could wait two weeks. There was a list of questions that she needed answered as soon as possible.

Her shift ended at eight o'clock so Natalia would have to ask Horatio if she could leave an hour early but she didn't see it being too much of a problem. It was probably a good idea to inform him of her condition for safety and insurance purposes but she thought it would be best to wait until she had seen a doctor.

There was also the not-so-small matter of informing her colleagues. That, however, all depended on how far along she was. She was definitely still in her first trimester so it would be prudent to wait until the fourth month to inform her co-workers, when it was fairly safe. Maybe with the exception of Calleigh. A lot could happen in a few weeks...

Natalia took extra care in the lab, keeping all chemicals and potential dangers at a safe distance. No-one seemed to notice that she was being very cautious, not even Calleigh, her best friend. The morning sickness had pretty much subsided by mid afternoon which was a relief. The urge to run to the bathroom every few minutes was very distracting. Natalia was relieved when she could eat again witbout having to worry about possibly having to empty her stomach contents into the nearest bin at a moment's notice.

Horatio was out in the field for the better part of the morning. The minute he returned, Natalia decided to pounce. She needed to catch him before he disappeared again. The brunette knocked on the glass door of her boss' office and he waved her in.

"H, you got a sec?" she wondered, a little bit nervous although she had no reason to be. It's not like she was breaking the news yet.

The lieutenant smiled. "Of course. What can I do for you, Ms. Boa Vista?"

"I was just wondering if there was any way I could get off an hour early today? You see I've got tjis doctor's appointment-"

"Of course," Horatio cut her off not wanting her to feel like she had to explain herself, "Is everything alright?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it's just one of those things..." 'One of those things'? Could she have thought of a worse answer?

He was satisfied that nothing was majorly wrong and didn't press the matter any further. "You know, if there's anything you need you can always come to me?"

Natalia smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I do. Thanks, H, I really appreciate it."

"Anytime, Ms. Boa Vista."

Natalia anxiously awaited the appointment for the rest of the day. She knew that she was pregnant, of course, but it was more than just a confirmation. She was excited, surprisingly, but knew not to get her hopes up yet. Not after last time anyway...

At six forty five, the CSI left the lab and headed for her OBGYN's office, which was thankfully only ten minutes away. As she arrived Natalia couldn't help but feel nervous. What if the was something wrong? She immediately pushed that thought to the back of her mind. There was absolutely no point in worryibg herself senseless. The brunette would assume that everything was fine until she was told otherwise by her doctor.

Natalia checked in with the receptionist who told her to take a seat in the waiting room. That in itself was a very peculiar experience. There were five other women waiting and all appeared to be at different stages of their pregnancy. A very happy looking redhead lovingly rested her hands on her small but pronounced bump and every few minutes smile up at her equally happy partner. Another woman who was very heavily pregnant had her arms crossed over her bump and looked very uncomfortable. Her parter had his chin rested on his palm, looking extremely bored.

The brunette wondered what she would look like as her pregnancy progressed. She was fairly certain there would come a point when all she would want would be to get him or her out assoon as possible.

Natalia looked around again and noticed that nearly all the women had there partnes with them. She felt an odd twinge. Would Jesse be there if he knew? She didn't wonder for too long. Of course he would. Jesse was a great guy and he probably deserved to at least know but things were too complicated. At least that was what the CSI kept telling herself.

A voice calling "Natalia Boa Vista?" interrupted her train of thought. Natalia stood and gave the nurse a brief smile before following her down the corridor to Dr. Rodriguez' office. 


End file.
